I am finally realizing that I have led my life in a completely wrong direction. I don't mean my loves or my hates, my art or my opinions, or even my political views, I mean I have just lied to get by in my life.

I lie.

I lie a lot.

I lie most often when I fear I will be looked down upon or judged as a failure.

I don't like the feeling when I tell a lie. When I lie, it feels as if I stole something from a store. It is in plain sight, anyone could take the time to see through my lie, but because I am lost in the crowd, my lie goes on.

There is only a few times in my life when I don't lie.

I love you. I hate you.

I was raised in a family that took more time to ensure their own personal image of wealth instead of instilling the true riches of life.

Honesty.

Morality.

Earnest actions.

Courage of thought.

Self-confidence.

Instead, I was raised to believe that money and comfort were the virtues of life, stepping on those to get what I "wanted". I can not live like that. I never felt right to hurt anyone, but every time I lie I hurt someone, myself.

Today, I had an epiphany of sorts.

Maybe that is why I have never been in a good relationship. Maybe that is why I have never had good friends. I was never honest with who I was to begin.

Was that my problem all along?